Sailor Moon Newbie Reviews: Episodes 81-82

Time waits for no man. Good thing Sailor Pluto is no man.

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The plot is back with a vengeance this week, as we head down the home stretch of the season. Plots will be laid, times will be traveled, and fores will be shadowed! Are you Sailor Moon Ready for this?!

The Recaps

Episode 81 – School House Raucous

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Chibiusa has come down with an Anime Cold, so the scouts come over to visit. So does Chibi’s friend, a tiny adorable BAMF named Momo who laid down the law when the other kids tried to bully Chibs, and they’ve been besties since.

But while Chibi rests up and the Moonies play nurse, Esmeraude and her bodybuilding droids Hans and Franz have been busy pumping up a pair of Dark Henges—one at the park, and one outside Chibiusa’s elementary school. So when Chibs gets to school late (the apple rabbit didn’t fall far from that tree, I see), she finds that the others have gone all Battle Royale on each other, even tiny BAMF Momo.

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“And I threw away my half of our BFF heart necklace too, so THERE!”

As Chibi hurries up to her class, Luna (who came to school with her) spots a rooftop flash, and Artemis (who can teleport) pops into the frame to tell her it must be Dark Power. They head inside as well and eventually find Chibiusa, who’s hiding out in the science lab to avoid the Assassination Classroom. Luna encourages her to flee, but Chibs refuses to abandon her friend, so she decides to hang out in the lab until the scouts arrive. This probably won’t lead to her needing to be rescued by anyone. Probably.

Artemis snags the Juuban Jr. High scouts, but they also get a call from Mars and Venus saying the park is under attack, too. What to do?

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And by “split up,” they mean: “Send all the firepower to the park and have Usagi go to the school to rescue the trouble-magnet on her own.” This probably won’t lead to her needing to be rescued by anyone. Probably.

The whole plan ends up being a bust, though, since as soon as Mercury and Jupiter arrive in the park (to find Mars and Venus unsuccessfully trying to take down the ‘roided-up Dark Henge), Hans peaces out to go meet up with his bro. So it’s off to the school after all!

This is definitely for the best, because while Usagi manages to track down Chibiusa (after some skeleton shenanigans), Franz manages to track down her, too. I feel like the Moonies didn’t think this whole splitting-up thing through.

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In fact you could say their plan of attack was a little… bare-bones.

He doesn’t even let Usagi finish her opening monologue! Unforgivable! The two brothers—and Momo, wearing her crazy eyes—gang up on Usagi until the rest of the scouts appear. But things don’t get any easier, as Franz (or is that Hans?) distracts them and Hans (or is that Franz?) traps them all (including Momo) in an evil black lightning box.

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“Ahnd ve ah going to BLOW! YOU AHP!”

Seeing Momo in pain makes Chibiusa’s forehead shoot out a Dispel, which removes the lightning box of doom AND the spell placed on Momo. Noice! Franz (Hans?) is NOT happy about this and tries to take out Chibs, but tiny BAMF Momo springs forward, knocking her friend out of the way and taking the blow instead. Which, we learn in glorious fly-vision flashback mode, is exactly what Chibiusa’s mom did during the Black Moon attack.

Needless to say Chibi has had it up to HERE with these Black Moon yahoos, and she activates her Moon Disco Powers again, blowing back the Droid Bros—and, somewhat less fortunately, alerting Wise Man, Prince Demande, and their evil glowing Koosh ball to her powers.

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When they told the architect to include a root cellar, this is NOT what she had in mind.

Venus and Mercury stay inside to look after the kids while the others head to the playground to take down the Droid Bros. The Tux has been out there spinning on a domed roundabout for the last 20 minutes waiting for the gang to come outside and check out his cool new entrance pose, so he’s quite dizzy, but he manages to toss out a rose and some witticisms before falling over and vomiting. While that’s happening off-screen, the scouts send Hans and Franz back from whence they came (Studio 8H, one presumes) and shatter the Dark Henges.

But the status is not quite quo’d, because Momo’s selfless actions have encouraged Chibiusa to find her courage, which happens to be located right next to the plot. It’s finally time for her to bust out that companion key and take the Moonies to the future!

…OKAY, Mamoru, you can come too. The cats could use a proper steed anyway, and your shoulders look about broad enough for the job.

Episode 82 – Running Through Corridors and Other Time Travel Necessities

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Chibs hesitates about her future plans after she dreams that everyone dies (which, given our track record with Sailor Moon finales…), but Mamoru gives her a classic Tuxedo Mask pep talk and she decides to screw her courage to the sticking place and get this show on the Sailor Moon Road. She calls on “Chronos, Father of the Keeper of Time,” and for once it actually works, sending her and the other scouts to a foggy realm where Usagi is promptly attacked by a shadowy staff-wielding figure.

Disaster is averted thanks to Chibiusa (man, that’s a weird phrase to type), who comes running out of the mist crying for “Puu” to stay her hand. As the fog clears, Usagi comes face to face with the pretty time lord in a sailor suit. That’s right, folks—Chibs has teleported them straight into Doctor Puu’s recently renovated TARDIS!

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You’ve redecorated! I don’t like it.

Technically speaking they’re not allowed to be here, but Doctor Puu is so happy that Chibiusa can finally use the key correctly that she doesn’t mind the whole breaking-the-laws-of-time-and-space thing. Doctor Puu says some friendly, cryptic things to Usagi (friggin’ time lords) then blips the gang over to their next destination and opens the doors for them. Doctor Puu can’t travel with them (guardian of space-time and all that), but she can offer them some advice: Don’t let go of “Small Lady’s” hand, otherwise you’ll be lost in the labyrinth of time… FOREVER! This will definitely not become a plot point.

Doctor Puu can’t just zap them straight to Chibi’s city because Reasons, so instead they have to spend a bunch of time running through corridors (like ya do) until they reach the door to the future. Small snag, though: The Black Moon Clan senses them and are ready for a fight, albeit with some slight changes to the plan. After Rabbit’s power display last episode, Wiseman now wants to capture her and the Silver Crystal and utilize their power in… well, he doesn’t have to tell you WHY, minions, so just do it!

Demande agrees, undresses Sailor Moon with his creepy dead fish-eyes, and then orders Esmeraude to bring HER back alive, too, because:

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*shudders*

Esmeraude disapproves about as heartily as I do, so after she blows the Moonies off the time corridor and into the time labyrinth (David Bowie Sold Separately), she sends her droid Luax after them, and she maaaaaybe-sorta-kinda forgets to mention the whole “don’t kill Sailor Moon” thing. Whoopsy-doodles!

Down in the labyrinth, the Moonies get separated into three groups. Group One: The scouts, stuck in a “hole located between the flow of space-time” (thanks, Ami!), where they’ll be trapped forever if they can’t find Chibiusa. Good news is that Usagi’s Silver Crystal “reacts to the Silver Crystal of the future” (thanks, Ami!), so they can follow its light to find the Future Door, where (hopefully) Chibs will be waiting for them.

Group Two: Tuxedo Mask and the cats, stuck in Willy Wonka’s Hell Tunnel.

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♪ “There’s no earthly way of knowing~ which direction we are going~” ♪

But they’ve got Mystery Voice (who sounds suspiciously EXACTLY LIKE MAMORU) to guide them, so I’m sure they’ll be fine.

And finally, Group Three: Chibiusa and Luna-P, wandering through the rather literal Redwood Forest. They find the doorway to the future, but so does Droid Luax, who (after a pretty half-assed attempt to fool Chibs into thinking she’s her mom) goes full-on evil claws at the kid. But Chibiusa decided last episode that she’s done running away, and she has Luna-P transform in a slingshot! Aww yeah, gonna Dennis the Menace this shit!

It…works about as well as you’d expect.

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Still, points for trying, Chibs!

Of course the scouts arrive to save her (“We got Lady Luck on SPEED DIAL!” Usagi hilariously explains), but Luax has one more trick up her sleeve: She can mess with the passage of time, which sounds like it could get really trippy and dark, but really it’s just her reversing time around herself so the girls’ attacks get chucked back at them. NO creativity, this one.

Scanner glasses inform us that Luax can only use the spell against one attack at a time (thaaaanks, Ami!), meaning if they can flank her and distract her, they should be able to hit her with a Sailor Planet Attack. Problem is, Tuxedo Mask is still looking for a cool entrance pose (“There are just no decent tall structures ANYWHERE in this hellscape,” he mutters off-screen), so he isn’t here to do the distracting. Which is when Chibs is all:

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And turns into a tiny BAMF herself, charging Luax and going at her with the slingshot. I never thought I’d say this, but GET IT, CHIBIUSA! The plan works, The Tux swoops in to get Chibs out of harm’s way, and the scouts smack Luax down with a group attack. The gang’s reunited and the enemy’s destroyed, so that means it’s onwards to the future! Have a look around, watch out for flying paradoxes, and we’ll see you kids next week!

This, That, and the Other

  • “Teach them the ABCs of Justice!” I love you, Tuxedo Mask.
  • But seriously, who sends the white mage into battle alone?! At least have Mako go with her to provide some tank back-up! Maybe the others just assume Tuxedo Mask will show up and help her out at this point.
  • And speaking of, I just realized that they’ve never explained to us how The Tux always
    knows when to suit up and where to find the scouts. Presumably Usagi turned on her brooch’s location tracking, and the top hat has wicked accurate GPS.
  • Luna, on Pluto: “Queen Serenity told me about a solitary guardian no one knew or had ever seen.” These are the kinds of lines that will give you aneurysms if you think too hard about them, so don’t.
  • Hark! A plot point! Wiseman is apparently not a Black Moon native, and his appearance coincides directly with Demande’s current Crystal and Moon obsessions. Neither Saphir nor Esmeraude are pleased, though for very different reasons. I sense schisms in our future.
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