Sailor Moon Newbie Reviews: Episodes 75-76

A wild Time Lord appears!

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The story moves forward a bit and then settles into its next mini-aRc as new (surprisingly likeable) villains take the stage and Chibiusa’s mysterious helper at last introduces herself. Also, cake! And really, what’s not to love about that?

The Recaps

Episode 75 – Once, Twice, Three Times a Small Lady

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Chibiusa is having a nightmare about a Purple Crystal Grim Reaper, Prince Demande is answering his minions’ complaints about the 20th Century with the evasive “…it has some value,” and the scouts are unaware of all of this, because they’re gathered around Chibiusa’s bed being super-worried about her.

She’s apparently fallen into a feverish coma and nothing will awaken her—that is until Chibs calls out for “Puu” in her sleep. Luna-P springs to life and levitates onto the bed, and Doctor Puu at last makes her appearance in glorious, eye-popping HD!

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“Bollocks! I’m still not ginger!”

Doctor Puu introduces herself as “Sailor Pluto, Guardian of Time and Space” (so, yeah, we’re definitely sticking with Time Lord Doctor Puu, here). Luna kinda recognizes the name, but before her kitty brain can work it out, Doctor Puu informs us of Srs Bsns: The Malefic Black Crystal (henceforth known as MBC) has trapped Chibiusa in a nightmarish hellscape, and plans to assault her spirit until her MIND EXPLODES. So like I said: Srs Bsns.

The good news is that Doctor Puu can send the scouts into Chibiusa’s subconscious where they might be able to help her. The gals agree to this plan proposed by a total stranger ‘cause she’s just got one-a them trustworthy faces (yup, definitely the Doctor), so Puu zaps them into the mind of a five-year-old. It is surprisingly GrimDark.

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“What, no talking animals and candy waterfalls? Worst five-year-old subconscious EVER.”

They find the Chibi pretty quickly, but she doesn’t recognize them because this “memory” is of a time before she met the scouts (“And you would do well to refer to me by my title of ‘Small Lady,’ PEASANT SCUM!”). So she decides to play her favorite game: Flee from her allies and straight into the welcoming arms of the resident Purple Crystal Grim Reaper. I knew you’d never let us down, Chibs.

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The gals transform into their Sailor Selves and follow. Unlike Chibiusa, they don’t fear the reaper, but despite their best efforts none of their attacks seem to do any damage. Chibs takes the opportunity to flee yet again, and the scouts tell Usagi to go after her while they try to hold off Reaper Man.

Once Sailor Moon finally chases down the Chibi, she explains that they aren’t Black Moon Clansfolk but are actually Chibiusa’s friends—from the FUTURE! She doesn’t really believe it but she decides to trust Usagi anyway—IF Usagi can rescue her mother. Chibs takes Usagi to the Crystal Palace where her mom is “sleeping,” but before Usagi can bust through the MBC barrier, Luna and Artemis appear. The scouts are in trouble! Fix it, Felix!

So Sailor Moon runs off to save her pals, and Chibs be like “Running into danger?! Quit stealing my act, Moon!” and chases after her. She gets there just in time to watch Usagi get owned.

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Come on, Usa, everybody knows mage staffs have crap Attack stats!

The Reaper knocks the scouts to the ground and opens up a fissure under Chibiusa, but Usagi reaches her in time to snatch up her hand before she can fall to her dream-death. The two bond the same way Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask used to bond: By dangling over a chasm, mere fingertips from certain death. Yep, she’s their kid, all right.

Usagi pleads with Chibiusa to “open up her heart” and “have faith in us.” So she does, and voila! The halation spell works now! With the Reaper vanquished, the gals are free to travel back to the crystal palace, bust open that MBC barrier, and go save Chibusa’s mom.

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Nooooo, Sailor Moon! Think of the paradoxes! THE PARADOXES!

Fortunately before Usa can get close enough to recognize herself and shatter the fabric of reality, Chibs tells them she’s “fine now” and sends them out of her dream and back to Usa’s bedroom. The Chibi wakes up a moment later to find Doctor Puu hovering before her.

“Send me back to the future!” she cries, but Puu says she can’t go home “in her current state,” which I’d assume is the state of forgetting to, like, THANK Puu for totally SAVING HER from a nightmarish hellscape, like GAWD, Chibiusa, SO UNGRATEFUL. So for now Chibs and the scouts just need to keep vanquishing villains in the current timeline. Then Doctor Puu TARDISes out, leaving Usagi to swear that she’ll protect everything—Chibs, the Crystal, and THE FUTURE!

And so a new chapter in the Black Moon aRc begins.

Episode 76 – Cake and/or Death

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Now that Chibiusa is feeling better, Usagi’s taking her out on the town to buy her something nice… or she would if she had any money, anyway. When the two run (rather literally) into Mamoru, Usagi takes the opportunity to foist Chibiusa onto Mamoru and his fat rich-dude bank account, then flees.

Believe it or not, this is actually a fairly mature decision on her part: She wants Chibs to have a nice day but she can’t afford to do it herself, and she also knows that watching Chibi hang all over Mamoru will drive her bonkers, so she excuses herself from the Future Family Fun Times entirely. Look at you, trying to do the unselfish thing, Usa! Non-sarcastic thumbs-up this time!

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But enough of those shenanigans—there’s villainous scheming afoot! Back in the future, a certain prince is demandeing a plan of action from his closest flunkeys, Esmeraude of the Feather Fan and Saphir, little brother to the prince and resident killjoy. Everybody wants to be all cocky and nefarious but he keeps reminding them of how strong the sailor scouts are and how much trouble they’ve caused thus far. Dude, just throw back your head and laugh maniacally like a proper minion.

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See? Esmeraude gets it.

Anyway, Esmeraude has a new plan: There are Negative Points throughout Tokyo that exude Negative Energy, and if Essie can drive wedges called “Dark Henges” into them, then she can use those points to send Dark Power back to the past. Once there are enough wedges and enough power, they can open a Dark Gate and flood the world with eeeevil, destroying the past and thus the future.

Except… wait a second here… if there’s no Crystal Tokyo then there’s no reason for the Black Moon Clan to attack which means there’s no reason for Rabbit to travel to the past which means there’s no reason for Esmeraude to flood the past with Dark Power which means…

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…So, to conclude: Prince Demande approves of this plan! Get to work, Essie! Oh, and she’s totally had the Dark Henges designed to look like her in a sexy pose. Villainy: Yer doin it right.

Back in the past, the scouts (sans Usagi) stumble upon a new sweet shop that’s having an “all-you-can-eat cake” grand opening sale. This is Evil Plot Level: Jadeite right here, but it turns out the sale is legit and proof of a just and loving God. Ami points out that cake is bad for your body, but Minako points out that it’s good for your soul, and that’s all the convincing they need! Artemis teases them about getting fat, so Mina responds appropriately: By locking him in a basket.

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I don’t have a clever caption for this one. I just think it’s cute.

Shortly thereafter, Usagi stumbles upon the cake sale and decides to stuff her mouth so she won’t have to think about her emotions, and shortly after that, Esmeraude dowses for a Negative Point and her pendulum points her right to the cake shop. Which leads to this beautiful scene:

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Eating right off the buffet table, like a pair of damn ladies.

Esmeraude cannot BELIEVE how amazing earth dessert tastes, and it’s adorable, and I kinda love Essie at this point. But then the earthlings gotta be all judgmental, and her joy quickly turns to embarrassment when she realizes the others are glaring at her. Flustered and angry, she vows to “get revenge” by making the cake shop patrons her first “sacrifices.” Time to knock out some kitchen staff and drive our first Dark Henge into Tokyo!

But since it’s going to take a while for the Dark Power to really kick in, Essie decides to draw unnecessary attention to herself by sending out Droid Marzipan and having her “discreetly” dispose of the girls in the shop. Man, you’re really playing this Bad Guy game by the book, aren’t you, Ess?

And meanwhile out in the shop, Usagi is cake-drunk.

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“I’LL TELL YOU WHEN I’VE HAD ENOUGH!”

Things only get more awkward when Chibiusa and Mamoru show up, but fortunately for everyone involved, the droid chooses this moment to attack, dousing the other patrons in delicious frosting.

Mamoru immediately decides that the resident waitress is the culprit and flings a cake pan at her head. Fortunately he’s right and the waitress transforms into Droid Marzipan instead of just, you know, getting hit by a cake tray and falling to the ground cursing. The droid uses her Froster Hands (you heard me) to turn not-food into delicious-food, which is… a bad thing why, exactly…? Oh, right, all those girls she’s trying to kill. Unforgivable!

Mamoru distracts the droid, giving the scouts time to get Chibiusa to safety and transform. They return to the shop and spar for a bit, but the droid is fast and powerful, and starts turning the girls into delicious food, too.

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I feel your pain, Mako-chan. Donuts always go straight to MY hips, too.

The problem here is that once you get hit, you become “delicate as sugar,” and one push will make you fall apart. Pretty soon Ami is the only human standing—well, her and the recently suited-up Mamoru, who’s taken to offering tactical advice in the form of riddles. HELPING! Thankfully Ami’s got the fastest brain in the west, interprets his cryptic strategy, and uses her water magic to melt the sugar, turn everyone back to normal, and seriously injure Marzipan. Halation time, go!

Turns out halations also shatter nearby Dark Henges. Esmeraude tries to skedaddle, but the scouts and Tuxedo Mask corner her in the hallway. So she figures there’s only one thing to do: Get her mack on.

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Okay. Yeah. I officially love Esmeraude.

She introduces herself to the scouts and vanishes, leaving them to wonder about their new enemy and her dastardly schemes as the ending credits roll.

This, That, and the Other

  • It suddenly struck me this week that Prince Demande sounds like a young, Japanese Alan Rickman, and now I can’t unhear it, and now neither can you.
  • You know, Esmeraude, maybe you shouldn’t be giving 20th Century Earth shit about being “primitive” when your idea of “high tech” is a freaking dowsing pendulum.
  • Let’s all take a moment to once again appreciate the level of ridiculous detail that goes into designing some of these monsters, up-to-and-including giving the dessert-based droid an actual whipped cream bra.
  • Hark! A plot point! Everybody be after the Silver Crystal, but the Black Moon Clan don’t NEED your stupid Silver Crystal! They have their OWN source of phenomenal cosmic power, and they’ve named it the Malefic Black Crystal, and it’s WAY COOLER than your DUMB crystal, so THERE! (And yes, I do keep wanting to write “Malificent Black Crystal.” Now there’s a crossover fanfic for ya.)
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