Everything’s comin’ up Rubeus!
While Episode 73 was pretty much just me shouting at Chibusa for 25 minutes, I kinda loved Episode 74, partly because we got us some fast-acting karma, but mostly because it did a good job of showing how much Usagi has matured since the series began—heck, it showed how much she’s matured since the end of Season 1, even. Sailor Moon’s character growth is enjoyably realistic, really: People still have their weaknesses and quirks, and they backslide from time to time, but overall these gals are growing up, and Usagi is a prime example of that.
So—who’s ready to shout at Chibusa and storm a spaceshaft with me?
Episode 73 – A Wild Usa Chase
I’d almost forgotten what happened at the end of last week’s episode, but fortunately Chibiusa spends the first 30 minutes of this one thinking about it. She’s still in sailor shock from learning that those pretty guardians who look exactly like Usagi and her friends were Usagi and her friends the entire time.
Meanwhile, Rubeus’s evil organization has had it up to here with him, and are in the process of letting him go. There’s some paperwork, though, so he’s not actually getting fired until next episode. In the meantime, Esmeraude (fresh off her recent show at the Black Moon Burlesque) has popped in to the PCPavilion to give Rubeus shit for sucking at his job.
Feeling the squeeze, Rubeus figures if he can just find and kill Rabbit before the paperwork goes through, Prince Demande won’t demande his resignation (nope, that joke never gets old). So he goes Rabbit hunting again. Of course, he can’t actually FIND her unless she starts shooting out crescent homing beacons again, and surely Chibiusa knows by NOW not to—
So. Funny story: Turns out Usa left the Silver Crystal Brooch just LYING in her room because she was late to hang with the gals at Hikawa Shrine, and Chibs saw it and was all Shoulder-Angel Vs. Shoulder-Devil Battle over whether she should steal it, so she mused over it while eating hotcakes and talking with Mama Tsukino about how much moms love their kids. Then Usagi came home real quick to snag the brooch, and when Mama Tsukino asked her if she wanted some hotcakes, she said no because she’d already had a bunch of cookies at Rei’s place.
“You mean she turned down the hotcakes that she had no idea her mom was making for everyone, and her mom seems totally okay with that?” Chibiusa thinks. “FUCK THAT BITCH THIS BROOCH IS MINE.”
Which leads to Chibs failing to go to the future, and her forehead exploding, and Rubeus hunting her down. Fortunately Usagi alerted the gang to the missing Brooch and Chibi, and the rest of the scouts track her down and help her escape. Not that she’s going to THANK them for it, mind you, because she knows who they really are: Usagi’s super-loyal and brave friends who genuinely want to help Chibiusa vanquish her enemies and return to the future so she can save her mom. Yeah. Those jerks!
So Chibiusa runs off again.
It’s getting late, so Chibs retreats to Mamoru’s front door and dozes off. Thankfully Mamoru’s the one to find her and not ol’ Kidnapper Joe down the hall. He takes her inside and cheers her up with Tuxedo Muppet.
He promises hotcakes, but Usagi interrupts father-daughter dinner, so Chibusa does the only sensible thing one can do in this situation: Uses her Deus Ex Machina-P to skydive off Mamoru’s balcony. OUTLAW COUNTRY! WOO!
And then, because Chibs is going for a Bad Decision Hat Trick today, she tries to use her key to travel to the future AGAIN (since that’s worked so well the last dozen times), and Rubeus tracks her down once more, bringing his hilariously phallic spaceship along for the ride this time.
Scouts to the rescue! But Rubeus’s spaceshaft has Mega Gravity Powers, and pins them to the concrete. At least, until the scouts get the brilliant idea to use their Sailor Planet Power to counteract it. They’re short Usagi and the Silver Crystal, though, so the best they can do is release the gravity power around Chibiusa, giving The Tux the chance to swoop in and escape with her. Then the scouts GET SUCKED UP ON A BEAM OF LIGHT INTO RUBEUS’S SPACESHAFT?!
Well, come on Usako, Mamo-chan. Time to go clean up your daughter’s mess again. Just think of it as practice for the future, I guess…
Episode 74 – MOONIEEEES! INNNNN! SPAAAAAACE!
Picking up right where we left off, Rubeus says he’ll give back the scouts if Sailor Moon turns over the Rabbit. She has until 3am to decide, which is kind of like saying “I’m going to give you until 3am to concoct a plan of attack.” Oh, villains. And in the meantime he’s got the girls strung up unconscious and crucified in his space dungeon. Man, they are NOT gonna be happy when they wake up.
During the ensuing lull, Chibiusa gives the brooch back to Usagi and confesses to Mamoru that she needs the Silver Crystal to save her mom—but she also doesn’t really know what happened to either her family or her home, given that she’s five and not terribly up-to-speed on interplanetary politics.
Downstairs, Usagi listens to a ridiculously calm news reporter discuss the UFO that just popped in and out of Tokyo (to be fair, in Juuban, they call weird shit floating in the sky “a Tuesday”), and worries about her friends. She tells Luna and Artemis that she should just turn over Chibiusa, since it’s her fault, anyway, but when the cats respond with shock, Usagi admits that of course she’d never do that.
While Luna and Artemis discuss tactics (more like CATtics, amirite?), Usagi goes to the balcony and makes her own plan: To face Rubeus. Chibs will be safe that way, and maybe her enemy will underestimate her and lower his guard long enough for her to rescue the gals and escape. She sneaks out while the cats aren’t looking (worst cats ever).
Episode time constraints require that the following happen hilariously fast, so Usagi flees—and two seconds later Mamoru notices—and about five seconds after that Chibi just freaking teleports out of the room, chasing after Usagi. Seriously, Luna and Artemis, my cat flips out when I sneeze. The least you guys could do is hear the damn front door opening and closing.
So Sailor Moon and Mini Moon go on a Lone Wolf and Cub Adventure—IN SPAAAAAACE! Mamoru and the cats show up just in time to watch the girls get sucked up into Rubeus’s Totally Not Phallic Spaceship.
Up IN SPAAAAAACE!, Rubeus and Sailor Moon square off. Because Usagi apparently forgot how to use her boomerang, she tries to halate him instead, but all the sparkle motion in the world can’t stop Rubeus, not while he’s in his home base with his power amplifier, and he basically uses the weight of his ego to press Usagi to the ground.
While they’re distracted, Chibiusa tries to free the other scouts, but a force field keeps pushing her away. Still, seeing the Chibs fighitng encourages Usagi to keep fighting, too, and she insults Rubeus’s choice in hairstyles, weakening his ego enough so that she can stand again (no, not really). The two have a Wizard Lightning Battle, and in the ensuing kerfuffle, Chibiusa looks around and figures out that Rubeus keeps his power amplifier in his Totally Not Phallic Crystal at the center of the chamber.
So she yanks on it until it explodes. Sssnicker.
With the amplifier destroyed, Usagi’s hits can finally, uh… hit. Also, the rest of the scouts are awakened and freed. Yay, Chibiusa was useful for once! Except that there is one tiny snag:
Rubeus tries to make a Bad Guy speech about how YES, YOU’VE BESTED ME, BUT I’M DRAGGING YOU TO HELL WITH ME, AND I SHALL GO DOWN IN BLACK MOON HISTORY AS THE ONE WHO KILLED THE RA and then a fireball blows him up, and I laughed so hard I fell off my couch.
With the spaceshaft falling down around them, the scouts combine their power to do that Sailor Teleport thing they did back during the Season 1 finale and make it safely to earth. Yeahhh, teamwork!
But—surprise! Rubeus stopped, dropped, and rolled, so he’s still alive after all! Esmeraude shows up and Rubeus thinks she’s come to save him, but she literally just popped into the exploding fortress to tell him she ISN’T going to save him. Because that’s how the Black Moon Clan rolls.
Rubeus is somehow shocked that people treat him exactly the way he treats others, and his face is the picture of betrayal right before the giant dick explodes. Oh, and his spaceship blows up, too.
While the scouts share a good laugh about their latest near-death experience, Esmeraude returns to—the future, I guess?—and reports to Prince Demande. We finally get a good luck at the REAL Big Bad of the season, and he is exactly how you pictured him, right down to the wine glass. Well, okay. He’s missing the giant fluffy Persian cat, but still. Solid Evil Prince Look there, buddy.
Oh also, he keeps making eyes at the captured Future Usagi, and it’s creepy. Welcome to the plot, ya malevolent bastard!
This, That, and the Other
- Man, now I really want some hotcakes, you guys.
- So do you reckon the Future Scouts sent Chibiusa back to the past because they knew she had to go to the past because they had already met her in the past so when they got attacked by the Black Moon Clan they already knew they were going to win because their past selves had already helpedChibiusa win which is why…
…On second thought, never mind. The paradoxes are giving me a nosebleed.
- Did anyone else imagine Mamoru and the cats making super awkward chitchat while all that madness was going on in the ship?
“So, uh… what have you been up to recently, Luna?”
“Mostly providing Usagi with moral support after some asshole broke her heart.”
“Oh, but I’m sorry, how rude of me. And what have you been up to, Mamoru?”
“Well I’m definitely not having terrifying prophetic dreams about my ex-girlfriend, that’s for damn sure.”
“…Soooo I think Minako and I are gonna start jogging in the mornings.”
“Shut up, Artemis.”
- I feel like the amount of casually foul language and off-color jokes this week are indicative of something very important: After 74 episodes, you and I, Tumblrverse, have finally become close friends. Pretty soon we’ll be drinking straight out of the same milk carton and neglecting to wear pants in the living room. Cheers to the future!
- Hark! A plot point! When the Future Scouts are helping Past Chibiusa escape from the Future Crystal Palace (my brain hurts), they refer to her as “Small Lady.” I’m not even sure this counts as a plot point so much as just A Thing That Happened, but these episodes were action-heavy, so I took what I could get here.